author: mark twain

  • It is full of interest. It has noble poetry in it; and some clever fables; and some blood-drenched history; and some good morals; and a wealth of obscenity; and upwards of a thousand lies. – Mark Twain

  • O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their…

  • I have a higher and grander standard of principle than George Washington. He could not lie; I can, but I won’t. – Mark Twain

  • Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it? – Mark Twain

  • Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. – Mark Twain

  • How come we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved. – Mark Twain

  • The report of my death was an exaggeration. – Mark Twain

  • Let us live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry. – Mark Twain

  • Persons attempting to find a motive in this narrative will be prosecuted; persons a moral in it will be banished; persons attempting to find a plot in it will be shot. – Mark Twain

  • A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read. – Mark Twain

  • We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it – and stop there; lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot stove-lid. She will never sit down on a hot stove-lid again – and that is well; but also she will never sit…

  • Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more. – Mark Twain