The Lesson – Roger McGough

Chaos ruled OK in the classroom
As bravely the teacher walked in.
The nooligans ignored him,
His voice was lost in the din.

‘The theme for today is violence,
And homework will be set.
I’m going to teach you a lesson;
One that you never will forget.’

He picked on a boy who was shouting,
And throttled him then and there.
Then garrotted the girl behind him
(The one with grotty hair).

Then sword in hand he hacked his way,
Between the chattering rows.
‘First come, first severed,’ he declared.
‘Fingers, feet or toes.’

He threw the sword at a latecomer,
It struck with deadly aim.
Then pulling out a shotgun,
He continued with his game.

The first blast cleared the backrow,
(Where those who skive hang out).
They collapsed like rubber dinghies,
When the plug’s pulled out.

‘Please may I leave the room sir? ‘
A trembling vandal enquired.
‘Of course you may,’ said teacher,
Put the gun to his temple and fired.

The Head popped a head round the doorway,
To see why a din was being made,
Nodded understandingly,
Then tossed in a grenade.

And when the ammo was well spent,
With blood on every chair,
Silence shuffled forward,
With its hands up in the air.

The teacher surveyed the carnage,
The dying and the dead.
He waggled a finger severely.
‘Now let that be a lesson,’ he said.

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