Chav Jokes

Why are Chavs like slinkies?
They have no real use but it’s great to watch one fall down a flight of stairs.

What do you call a Chavette in a white tracksuit?
The bride.

You’re in your car and you see a Chav on a bike, why should you try not to hit him?
It might be your bike.

What’s the first question at a Chav quiz night?
What you lookin’ at?”

How do you get 100 Chavs into a phone box?
Paint three stripes on it.

Two Chavs in a car without any music. Who’s driving?
The police

What do you say to a chav with a job?
Can I have a big mac please

What do you say to a chav in a suit?
Will the defendant please stand

Why is 3 chavs going over a cliff in a Nova a shame?
A Nova seats 4

What do you call a 30 year old chavette?

How many chavs does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One, they’ll screw anything.

What do you call 100 chavs at the bottom of a river?
A start.

What do you call a Chav at college?
The cleaner.

Two chavs jump off a cliff to see who hits the ground first, who wins?

What do chavs use as protection during sex?
A bus shelter.

How does a chav girl turn the lights off after sex?
She closes the car door.

What’s the difference between a battery and a chav?
A battery has a positive side

Why couldn’t the chav finish a race?
He was only good at startin!

How do you get 100 Chavs in a Mini?
Throw in a Giro

How do you get them all out again?
Throw in a Job application

What do you call a chav in a three-bedroom house?
A burglar

What does a chav get for christmas?
Your bike

What day of the year does a chav find most confusing?
Fathers day

What’s the difference between a chav and a park bench?
The park bench can support a family of four.

Chavette with 8 kids is asked by social worker,
“What are all their names?”
“wayne, wayne, wayne, wayne, wayne, wayne, wayne and wayne”
“Oh that’s a nightmare, what do you call if you want them to come to the dinner table?”
“easy, just shart wayne and they all cum runnin”
“Oh well what about bedtime?”
“Just shart wayne and they all cum runnin?”
“OK, OK what about if you want one in particular?”
” Oh then I have to call em by their last name!”

If you see a drowning chav in a raging river, and have a choice between saving him and taking a Pulitzer Prize winning photograph, what shutter speed should you use?

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