Speeding Up Excel

From Tayyab Hussain, via chandoo.org.

Tips for Formula Speeding Up

No doubt excel is a powerful analytical tool but most of the people do not plan before designing there spreadsheet. One should plan the Start and End in mind, and the assumption that the spreadsheet will never be used again should kept out of mind. Perhaps this is might be the number one rule. Spreadsheets are about giving correct information to the user, not possible erroneous information that looks good. Continue reading

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The Elements

Animated Video of Tom Lehrer’s Elements Song

Lyrics

There’s antimony, arsenic, aluminum, selenium
And hydrogen and oxygen and nitrogen and rhenium
And nickel, neodymium, neptunium, germanium
And iron, americium, ruthenium, uranium
Europium, zirconium, lutetium, vanadium
And lanthanum and osmium and astatine and radium
And gold and protactinium and indium and gallium
And iodine and thorium and thulium and thallium Continue reading

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I Am The Very Model of a Newsgroup Personality

I am the very model of a Newsgroup personality.
I intersperse obscenity with tedious banality.
Addresses I have plenty of, both genuine and ghosted too,
On all the countless newsgroups that my drivel is cross-posted to.
Your bandwidth I will fritter with my whining and my snivelling,
And you’re the one who pays the bill, downloading all my drivelling.
My enemies are numerous, and no-one would be blaming you
For cracking my head open after I’ve been rudely flaming you. Continue reading

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Searching for the T-Rex Poem

It was a poem I read in school about a T-Rex, and all I remember are the lines,

“I’m a monumental mason and the gravestones that I make,
Are carved of flesh and bone from the carcasses I take,”

and

“I chew my meat in heaven and I lash my tail in hell”

Continue reading

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The Lesson – Roger McGough

Chaos ruled OK in the classroom
As bravely the teacher walked in.
The nooligans ignored him,
His voice was lost in the din.

‘The theme for today is violence,
And homework will be set.
I’m going to teach you a lesson;
One that you never will forget.’

Continue reading

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The Charge of the Light Brigade – Alfred, Lord Tennyson

Half a league, half a league,
Half a league onward,
All in the valley of Death
Rode the six hundred.
“Forward, the Light Brigade!
“Charge for the guns!” he said:
Into the valley of Death
Rode the six hundred.

Continue reading

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Getting To Know You Questions

Approximately how many CDs do you have?
Approximately how many DVDs do you have?
Are you a bad loser?
Are you a clean or messy person?
Are you a good actor?
Are you a good aim with a rubber band?
Are you a good artist?
Are you a good babysitter?
Are you a good cleaner?
Are you a good comedian?
Are you a good cook?
Are you a good dancer?
Are you a good diplomat?
Are you a good dresser?
Are you a good employee?
Are you a good judge of character?
Are you a good liar?
Are you a good listener?
Are you a good mechanic?
Are you a good musician?
Are you a good public speaker?
Are you a good singer?
Are you a good skier?
Are you a good swimmer?
Are you a good writer?
Are you a gossip?
Are you a hat person?
Are you a religious person?
Are you a valuable asset on a Pub Quiz team?
Are you allergic to anything?
Are you an introvert or an extrovert?
Are you any good at charades?
Are you any good at egg and spoon races?
Are you any good at giving massages?
Are you any good at pool?
Are you good at keeping secrets?
Are you left or right handed?
Are you married?
Are you much of a daredevil?
Are you much of a gambler?
Are you much of an adventurer?
Are you pretty devious?
Are you proud of yourself?
Are you proud, comfortable or ashamed of your body?
Are you psychic in any way?
Are you related or distantly related to anyone famous?
Are you reliable?
Are you religious?
Are you scared of flying?
Are you scared of needles?
Are you scared of spiders?
Are you scared of the dark?
Are you scared of thunderstorms?
Are you the sort to step in and try to break up a fight?
Are you ticklish?
Are your ears lobed or attached?
As a kid were you ever frighted of a monster under the bed or in the cupboard?
At what age did you twig onto the fact Santa wasnt real?
Continue reading

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Either / Or Questions

7up or Sprite?
Adventurous or cautious?
Antique or brand new?
AOL or MSN?
Apples or oranges?
Asking questions or answering questions?
Continue reading

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Sonnet 65 – William Shakespeare

Since brass, nor stone, nor earth, nor boundless sea,
But sad mortality o’er-sways their power,
How with this rage shall beauty hold a plea,
Whose action is no stronger than a flower?
O, how shall summer’s honey breath hold out
Against the wreckful siege of battering days,
When rocks impregnable are not so stout,
Nor gates of steel so strong, but Time decays?
O fearful meditation! where, alack,
Shall Time’s best jewel from Time’s chest lie hid?
Or what strong hand can hold his swift foot back?
Or who his spoil of beauty can forbid?
O, none, unless this miracle have might,
That in black ink my love may still shine bright.

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Sonnet 81 – William Shakespeare

Or I shall live your epitaph to make,
Or you survive when I in earth am rotten;
From hence your memory death cannot take,
Although in me each part will be forgotten.
Your name from hence immortal life shall have,
Though I, once gone, to all the world must die:
The earth can yield me but a common grave,
When you entombed in men’s eyes shall lie.
Your monument shall be my gentle verse,
Which eyes not yet created shall o’er-read,
And tongues to be your being shall rehearse,
When all the breathers of this world are dead;
You still shall live (such virtue hath my pen)
Where breath most breathes, even in the mouths of men.

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